You've got a friend in me

I have no friends. :(

I mean...I do, just not at sac. They're all either still in high school, or in a different college. It's very hard.

I've been talking to some of my friends on the phone lately and after 5 minutes of conversation I hear "hey! I'm meeting someone, can I call you back later?" Why can't I ever be meeting someone?! :( They're always busy, or with someone else or "meeting someone". It's frustrating. They've all moved on and I can't blame them since it's only natural that that's gonna happen since we're all in different schools now, but I want to move on too! I want friends :(

It's not like I haven't been trying. I reallllly have. I tried talking to people in my soc class, but no one's nice and no one really talks to each other. I gave up on that. My psych class has some nice people but they party and they drink, so I know I can't spend time with them outside class since I don't do those things. My aerobics class is good, everyone's pretty nice, but they're all kinda shy and a lot of them speak Spanish most of the time. I don't speak Spanish. My speech class is the best. Everyone's amazing, I just don't know if I'll hang out with the kids in there outside class. I mean, I want to, but I don't know if they do. You see my problem? I'm stuck. I'm a loser.

My mom keeps telling me to "make some friends" cause I'm always home on the weekends studying or out with my sister. She says "make some friends" like I haven't been trying or like I don't want to make any. That's not the case at all. My best friend and I stopped talking in June and everything has gone downhill from there. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should've stayed friends with her so I could have someone with me, but then I'd be friends with her for the wrong reasons. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I'm a loner. It's horrible. Maybe when clubs start I'll make some friends? I hope so. My sister made so many great friends at Mt. Sac and she continues to make them even in university, she has so many it's not fair. Her guy friend told her that she has an "addictive personality" the other day. Why can't I have an addictive personality? I'm nice, I'm friendly, I'm fun...what's wrong with me? I dunno. I'm sad.

My old friends and I are drifting apart, so eventually I'm literally not going to have a single friend. I need backups! And the people at work are jerks...so they're not really an option. Oh gosh. I feel pathetic.



Excuse me while I scarf down a pint of ice cream...