High School is over

So my last day of high school was on May 29th, 2009. It was a really emotional day, i think i cried like 90% of the whole day. a lot of us did. it's so sad knowing that there are people at school that i'm literally never gonna see again. never. they're going to NYU, or Berkeley, or Arizona, it's really, really sad. i mean, you're happy that you're leaving high school and going off to college, but you're sad because there are so many things that you never got to say to people, and so many friends you had drama with and wish you could just make it all better. my sister told me that after everyone throws their caps and says goodbye to each other, that's it. it's over. there's no "let's hang out over break!" because you both know you're NOT gonna hang out becuase you never really knew each to begin with and that's the saddest part. we went through high school thinking that the next year and the year after that will be the year that we become friends with this one girl, but it NEVER happens and then finally when you're graduating, going off into the real world it hits you that you never did get to know her and all you're left with is regret because it's too late. would it really have taken so much out of you to just go and say hi? of course not, but we didn't. i feel more sad than happy about leaving high school and not just because of the people, but because i don't think i'm mentally prepared to go to college. i mean most of you who know me know that i'm pretty immature. i like to joke and fool around, so how am i supposed to fit in to college life? 2 months is nothing to prepare...4 years of high school was supposed to do that for me and it didn't because i'm the same exact person i was in elementary school. seriously, i am. high school didn't change me one bit. i have been told that several times and i know it myself. it's a really good feeling to know that high school didn't change me. this guy told me i still walk around school saying "hi everybody!!!" like i did in middle school but i bet that's completely forbidden at college. it's quiet time. but it's nice to know that people think i'm nice. my friend christine changed so much and i feel like she's one of the unlucky ones because i think high school changing usually has a negative connotation and i would never wanna negatively change myself. i guess it doesn't matter that i'm not prepared for college because i'm exactly the same as i was in elementary and middle school, and that girl was pretty darn great...so why change? why prepare when i'm already good?
anywayyyy high school is over. high school is over. high school is over. high school is over. i really needa let this sink in. all those key club hours, totally pointless, not being prom queen, pointless, not being french club president, pointless, not getting the graduation speech...well that won't be pointless until AFTER graduation day when i'm sitting there watching michelle and monica give the commencement speeches which were so rightfully supposed to be MINE. but whatever...it will all be useless after june 4th. and honestly...i CAN wait. i'm gonna miss high school.