High School is over

So my last day of high school was on May 29th, 2009. It was a really emotional day, i think i cried like 90% of the whole day. a lot of us did. it's so sad knowing that there are people at school that i'm literally never gonna see again. never. they're going to NYU, or Berkeley, or Arizona, it's really, really sad. i mean, you're happy that you're leaving high school and going off to college, but you're sad because there are so many things that you never got to say to people, and so many friends you had drama with and wish you could just make it all better. my sister told me that after everyone throws their caps and says goodbye to each other, that's it. it's over. there's no "let's hang out over break!" because you both know you're NOT gonna hang out becuase you never really knew each to begin with and that's the saddest part. we went through high school thinking that the next year and the year after that will be the year that we become friends with this one girl, but it NEVER happens and then finally when you're graduating, going off into the real world it hits you that you never did get to know her and all you're left with is regret because it's too late. would it really have taken so much out of you to just go and say hi? of course not, but we didn't. i feel more sad than happy about leaving high school and not just because of the people, but because i don't think i'm mentally prepared to go to college. i mean most of you who know me know that i'm pretty immature. i like to joke and fool around, so how am i supposed to fit in to college life? 2 months is nothing to prepare...4 years of high school was supposed to do that for me and it didn't because i'm the same exact person i was in elementary school. seriously, i am. high school didn't change me one bit. i have been told that several times and i know it myself. it's a really good feeling to know that high school didn't change me. this guy told me i still walk around school saying "hi everybody!!!" like i did in middle school but i bet that's completely forbidden at college. it's quiet time. but it's nice to know that people think i'm nice. my friend christine changed so much and i feel like she's one of the unlucky ones because i think high school changing usually has a negative connotation and i would never wanna negatively change myself. i guess it doesn't matter that i'm not prepared for college because i'm exactly the same as i was in elementary and middle school, and that girl was pretty darn great...so why change? why prepare when i'm already good?
anywayyyy high school is over. high school is over. high school is over. high school is over. i really needa let this sink in. all those key club hours, totally pointless, not being prom queen, pointless, not being french club president, pointless, not getting the graduation speech...well that won't be pointless until AFTER graduation day when i'm sitting there watching michelle and monica give the commencement speeches which were so rightfully supposed to be MINE. but whatever...it will all be useless after june 4th. and honestly...i CAN wait. i'm gonna miss high school.

Sometimes love knocks you down

Goodness I haven't blogged in a while. So anyway, i'm sure you're all aware of a friend of mine. I don't wanna mention her name, but you know who i'm talking about. We became friends and she was such a good girl. great girl in fact. innocent and didn't care about what people thought and about doing bad stuff and she was a good muslim girl but everything has changed and i feel like it's my fault. not in the way that i "influenced" her because it's not like i've ever done any of the stuff that she has been doing lately. it's my fault that she's changed because before she became friends with me, literally no one knew who she was and her old best friend was so boring and kind of kept her sheltered so she wasn't really exposed to high school life. she didn't care about boys and drinking until she met me. not in a narcissistic way, but i'm pretty well-known at school. she liked my personality and met the people i knew and everything just changed. People started to notice how pretty she is and boys started to notice her and it really got to her head. she started dressing differently, wanting to be more free and eventually she started to go to parties every weekend and lie to me, her best friend, about them. it's hard when you feel like you know someone so well, but then you find out in the worst way possible that you really don't know them at all. we have literally nothing in common anymore. she likes to drink, go to parties, make out with random boys, go to parties, and go to parties and she says she does it to "experience" high school and she doesn't even realize how insignificant that stuff is afterwards and what it does to you. I don't care about any of that stuff so what how are we supposed to be friends? she's changed so much. she's a bad girl now. i know that sounds completely silly, but she is. even with the stuff she wears, being a muslim girl. it also hurts when i bring something up like this and she thinks i'm "judging her" and she gets SOOO defensive and so mean and starts yelling and all i'm trying to do is look out for her because she's my best friend and i care about her. I hate hearing people telling me Monday morning that she got really drunk over the weekend, it makes me worry and it makes me upset that SHE didn't tell me herself. i guess she doesn't wanna be cared for and maybe i should stop and let her learn the hard way what can happen to her. these people she's been spending time with are bad people and can do stuff to her, but she doesn't get it. she's turned into something completely different from what i knew before and i just don't know what to do. this girl's a slut now. i'm sorry to say, but she is. so you see how this is MY fault? if it weren't for me becoming friends with her, this would've never happened. whatevs though it's good to know i'm the good one.